It has been just about a year to the date since I last wrote a blog post. I do not know what stopped me from writing. Maybe it was the craziness of balancing grad school with my son’s college graduation and my other son moving across the country. Who knows? A lot has transpired over the last year. I have had so much time to reflect on life over the past year. Seems silly, I know. We do have the ability to reflect at any given time. That said, do you? Do you take the time to truly look at your thoughts and how they affect your behavior? How about how others’ behavior might affect your thoughts and your behavior? At the risk of sounding like a therapist, we often need to think about that which we can control. I tend to fall in the category of thinking that I am able to make change within others. Sadly, that line of thinking may create a whole lot of disappointment. It is difficult to focus on myself and only what I can control. So easy is it to say that I can control my reaction to people’s comments or to certain situations. Now, living those words is a whole different story. While there are many moments I can correlate to growth and my ability to hit the pause button, so too are there many moments in which I become immediately reactive. I am truly a work in progress. Aren’t we all? As I hit the last day of work, I am mindful of having reached my tolerance levels for so many things. It is not just about work. It just happens to be the time during which all the things that pile up as life’s annoyances come to a tipping point. I find myself becoming far more sensitive to the expectations that I perceive as simple ones to be nowhere near being met. What I think should feel important to others simply is not. What I would prioritize, others simply do not. Having the epiphany that the world does not think the way I do, has been quite disconcerting. I mean, I am an intelligent woman, albeit not terribly humorous! I believe myself to be able to read the proverbial room, so to speak, and adjust my behavior as needed. Of course, intellectually speaking, I know not everyone has this skill. But, my heart believes everyone to be possessing such an evolved way of thinking. Well, I am here to report that I am wrong. I know, I know……hard to believe. Yet, here we are talking about life’s disappointments. Anyone who knows me knows that I believe in being direct…….kind, but direct. I do not understand saying things we do not mean or behaving in a way that is disingenuous. Of course, there is something to be said for softening things and being tactful. I am all for it. Is there a way to do both? I am not sure. I encounter situations constantly in which others seem to be incapable of being direct while being kind. I don’t know……maybe I really think more of people than I should. In a world where I am surrounded by people with higher ed degrees and worldly experiences, I expect so much more from them. You know, I was told once that my expectations are too high for people. Why is that? How do I change that? Anyone experience the same? The funny thing is that the second I pull back to temper expectations, I am immediately considered self-centered and uncaring. Anyone else? I call it holding boundaries to allow for tempered expectations. I am pretty much an all-in kinda gal. I do not believe in giving part effort when I know I am capable of more. I believe so many people are capable of far more than they do or give. Yet, they don’t. Why is that? Let us look into one example of making the effort to call or text. It is the game of chicken and egg. If you don’t reach out, why would they reach out? Yet if you have been the one to make the effort for many years only to lack any sort of reciprocal action, and then decide to hold that boundary, you’re deemed the problem. You become the reason other’s don’t reach out. It’s weird. Happens all the time. I am probably rambling, but these are the thoughts consuming me right now. It is a questioning of life’s simple, yet complex, interactions. How can we change what amount of effort others put in? We cannot. Therein lies the problem. If we show initiative, decisive thinking, or creative solutions, we are labeled as difficult. If we hold boundaries and say no, or simply do not put in the extra effort, we are deemed as not being a team player. Yet, for someone who has never initially shown what others perceive as extra effort, they are deemed as superior. I really don’t get it. By the way, for those wondering, this is not just about work. This is a conundrum in personal lives too, not just the working world. Perhaps there is a bigger picture that we are all missing. I feel like I may strive to get to the heart of the bigger picture. However, I often question if overthinking is too much! Catch 22, I’d say!