Have you ever been in a situation where your version of things is exactly opposite another person’s version? I hear the laughter already. Of course you have……we all have. How does anyone figure out the correct version? Who is telling the most accurate story? I’m often amazed at those who are able to “be someone else” when they meet new friends and put on a show for them. True colors do eventually show……for all of us. I will argue however that they don’t show quickly enough for some. I don’t get it honestly. It must take a tremendous amount of effort to be a different person around some people and then have to switch personalities for others. I’m not capable of it. Truly. Yes, I can be pleasant and kind and get along with just about anyone. But, every person with whom I interact knows who I am at my core. They know my history and they know what drives my values and decisions. Listen, not everyone will like my reasons. But they are mine. They make me who I am. Is that not true of all of us? Yet when there’s a clash between two people and others discover the clash, they hear versions that are absolutely nothing alike. What are others to think? How do they know which one to believe or who is being genuine and who is putting on a show? It’s a puzzlement for sure. Some would say who cares which version is the truth. Notice that I didn’t say right. For there is no right or wrong version….only the truth. I am not an easy woman at times. I admit it. I get upset. I labor over a topic for far too long sometimes. I can’t let things go and want resolution. That makes me difficult to be with at times. I know. I also am very articulate about WHY I get upset or labor over a single issue, or need resolution. Remember when I said history drives values and decisions? Well, that’s the why. They say you simply need to let go of your history…..blah, blah, blah. Who does that?! And listen, I’ve let go what happened to me and I’ve moved past it. I set a boundary and have not crossed it. Setting a boundary so that toxicity was not able to be present in my life was the best thing I ever did for my mental health. So many others have done the same and kudos to you! Doesn’t it stand to reason then, that when you see someone enter the scene with those same characteristics that you would want a boundary established immediately? Why is that so hard to understand and do? Are we all so afraid of being firm that we would rather just let the beast behave erratically and intrusively than simply draw the line? Reactions are a personal thing. Mine is mine alone. So is yours. What you do or don’t do should not be for fear of my reaction. My reaction is in my control alone. We all must learn that one simple tool. It’s something I teach my students and something I teach my kids. Seriously, how are we able to teach our children that they are the authors of their own reaction REGARDLESS of how anyone behaves around them, when we don’t necessarily believe it ourselves? It doesn’t matter if the world falls apart around us. Our reaction is still ours. Yes, it’s so easy to gaslight and say it’s someone else’s fault that I reacted this way. Of course that’s ridiculous. For example, my ex wants to bring his girlfriend to my child’s event. So what? Do I want her there? Probably not, if I’m being absolutely honest. It’s not my decision to make. They are adults and may do their own thing. They don’t have access to my life any longer. Remember when I said I am able to be pleasant and kind and gracious? Here’s the opportunity. I do not engage in conversation with them over text. That’s inappropriate on so many levels. Nor do I dictate what they can and can’t attend or do or say. Am I wrong? Divorce occurs for a reason. Let’s not pretend like everyone gets along in front of others when there’s degrading cursing and threats occurring behind the scenes. Yep, that was me a few years ago…..not the one doing the cursing and threatening. By far, I am not the only one who endures this type of situation. When “behind closed doors” it’s no holds barred, but put us in front of adult children or other adults and it’s like we are friends. Let’s just be honest…..that’s fake. It’s not teaching our kids that it’s ok to have discomfort and be discontent at times. I am not saying everyone needs to know all of the details. But, we don’t need to pretend. We also don’t need to act like our world is going to fall apart because of some else’s presence. If that’s the case, there’s a much bigger issue going on. I mean seriously, isn’t it more important to show our kids that they have adults who show up for them? Parent or not? Girlfriend or not? I have to admit, and this one’s hard, I always believed that the woman my ex chose to bring into his life would treat my children well. As a parent, that’s all I could ever ask. I can be someone different and show hate behind the scenes and pretend like everything is perfect around others. I choose not to. Boundaries. Limits. Lines. Whatever you want to call it. It’s a tale of two people…..who are you behind closed doors?