It’s been quite some time since I last posted. Life has a way of getting away from us. I’m sure so many are able to relate. So many things have occurred throughout the past weeks. It’s hard to know on what to focus a single topic. The recurring theme for me over the last few weeks is authenticity. I continue to move through this unchartered phase of divorcehood……pretty sure that’s not a word, but it is for today! I had lunch with a dear friend yesterday and we both talked about how, when we were growing up, we did not know anyone whose parents were divorced. Today, those kids are a dime a dozen. Sad. I start to question why. It is easy to say that values are misaligned and couples grow apart. But, is there more to the undercurrent that ripples into a tidal wave of disdain and disgust? This got me thinking about myself and so many others. I observe people today and wonder who they really are? Is what they show us authentically them? Gracious, I’m sometimes questioning who I am, so I absolutely believe others do the same. While I believe myself to be a diamond in the rough, I know I’m not that special! You know, it may be a divorcehood thing, but I really do try to be honest and genuine when I show myself to others. I spent so many years simply conforming to what others thought I should be. Well, we can all see where that got me in the end. What was the point? I ended up losing myself in the myriad of people I was to become so that others liked me and approved. It is as if I needed to somehow defend why someone should invest their time in me. Call it age, or call it divorcehood, but I am slowly realizing that I wasn’t authentically me. Listen, I still catch myself falling into the extremely unhealthy pattern of making decisions just so others will keep me around. I should say that some people closest to me have called me out for doing that. Thank God for those people who love me enough to remind me to not get lost again. I imagine that many of you are able to relate to what I’m saying. Why is it that we sometimes worry that being ourselves is not good enough? Why do we think people won’t love us for who we authentically are? I surmise it is due to a few factors. For me, it is hard to believe that my flaws, my messy parts, were not a contributing factor that led to my ex-spouse stepping out of our marriage with another woman. So. if the person who swore before God to love me no matter what was able to walk away, why would I expect anyone else to do anything differently once they spot my unfavorable traits. I’m not an easy woman to love. I am moody at times. I am sensitive and I require reassurance in many aspects of my life. Time, actions and words provide reassurances for me. When I feel like those things are diminishing, I become concerned and think that the person must finally see my flaws and be thinking peace out. ✌🏻Just me? So then the cycle begins. What can I do to make these people want to be around me to give me their time and attention? That’s where I lose my authentic self. You see, I’m a naturally caring and nurturing person. While some may not believe it, I am always thinking about my friends and family and wondering how they are doing. I don’t always text or call but that doesn’t mean I’m not thinking about you. At this point, I don’t know how to be anyone other than who I am. I’m messy. I’m flawed. I’m caring. I’m genuine. You get me…..the real me. For good and bad, I am who I am. I love hard, I hurt hard. I get jealous, and upset, and I also feel great joy and happiness. I want something so, so simple…….just to be loved for who I am. Isn’t that what we all want?! Let’s try……just try….to be authentically ourselves. I believe the world will embrace us if we just have a little faith!