Which is more important to you, honesty or loyalty? I think this is a trick question. Is it possible to have one without the other? I’m not sure I actually know the answer to this question, but I do know that above anything else, I expect both from those closest to me. If I’ve allowed you into my inner world, the deepest curves of my heart, then I am trusting you with my heart. It is important to know that I spent numerous years living a lie, believing that honesty and loyalty was the basis on which our relationship stood. I couldn’t have been more wrong. I learned once, twice really…..make that three that I know of…. that honesty and loyalty didn’t exist, but I wanted so badly to believe. That’s why I stayed. I still suffer from the same disease…..the disease of believing that all people have within them goodness. You know, I do actually believe everyone has the capability of goodness. However, I also know the world is sometimes cruel and reality is harsh. I was talking with a student yesterday who lied about his whereabouts. Of course, he was caught and spent a good amount of time defending his lies. We had a conversation about integrity, honesty and loyalty. At the end of the day, isn’t integrity all we have in life? And doesn’t honesty and loyalty provide the foundation for integrity? If you’ve followed me at all, you know by now that I’m an overthinker. I’m constantly evaluating the past and wondering what’s in front of me. The weird thing is that I’m also a dreamer. I always hope that something amazingly beautiful is ahead. Seems silly since my past would indicate that I should be prepared at any moment for things to go wrong. Yet, integrity is everything. I know what I’m made of, and I know my heart. It’s tough, because we are all social beings…..even the introverts amongst us. We want to belong, whatever that looks like to each of us. I digress. The definition of integrity is to be honest and have strong moral principles. Does having a momentary fail with regard to one’s personal integrity mean that our character is in question? Of course not. We all have moments where we hit a bump in the road. Where we learn what is right and wrong. Where we learn that gray has the potential for wide interpretation, hence making integrity live on a moveable needle. I have always felt a source of pride with my integrity. I am not perfect……not even close. I fall……sometimes pretty hard. But I get up and I learn and try to be better. It’s still a source of pride. I’m quick to admit my faults and they are many. I think we’ve all done things of which we are not terribly proud. Yet, I feel confident that those who know me would confirm that integrity is important to me. Honesty and loyalty? Those are the most important qualities to me. Recently, my integrity was called into question. This shook me to my core. How dare someone question my morals and my genuine need to be honest, caring and loyal. I surely have the capability to be a bitch to someone…..that’s just a fact. However, I will say that I’m aware enough of myself to acknowledge it’s typically a defense response, and very, very short-lived. This time though, it was quite personal. I thought to myself, here’s someone so quick to judge another without any basis on which to make such judgments. It hurt me to my core……for a day. I then became angry because I again thought how dare they make such an accusation to question my character. I realized that this happens daily, every minute really. Human nature is to want to belong, yet when we feel on the outside, sometimes we find a reason to decide that another isn’t of quality character and high integrity. It somehow makes some people feel better to bring down others. I will never understand that way of thinking. Yes, I’m capable of doing that, but I sure don’t ever want to make someone feel bad, especially not due to my own feelings. The worst thing to me is acting as though nothing happened after spending days disparaging someone. I don’t do fake……ever. I wish we all operated that way, because then honesty is a given. Loyalty? Well, that’s a choice. We all choose to whom we wish to be loyal. Though, I don’t think it should really be a choice. I feel it should be a given. Just be. Just be loyal to those closest to you. You will have to make tough decisions at times. You will have to sometimes choose one person over another. Yes, some decisions are difficult. The reality is that all relationships are not equal. They shouldn’t be. It doesn’t mean that holding limits with others is being cruel or mean. It simply means that one relationship trumps all others……..as it should. God created us to be in relationship with Him, but also with one another. I believe that God believes we all have someone who is meant for us…..who is our number one. And it’s not our children…..though they will always be the tops on our list. So, do you want a best friend? A life partner? A forever mate? A ride or die? The yin to your yang? I do. Give your person everything you have…..honest, loyalty and integrity. Your return on investment will be unmeasurable.  

Create happiness within yourself!