You know what’s crazy? Any single one of us is able to be a parent. No one prepares us for what that actually means. You are committing the rest of your life to worry, fear, anxiety, love…..oh a love that can’t be described…..joy, excitement, pride. Seriously, it’s a rollercoaster of emotions daily. Heck, sometimes a rollercoaster every hour! We bring these kids in the world not even comprehending the extent to which our hearts will become broken……daily. I’m not saying that to discourage anyone. Kids are the most amazing gift from heaven. I can’t imagine life without my boys in it. I will say that there are days that I wonder who thought I was cut out to be a parent. I wonder if I’m an imposter in this crazy world of raising humans. So much pressure, so much joy, so much fear. Boy do I wish for the days when having dirt on the tip of my son’s finger was the biggest obstacle we were facing. It’s so cliché what people say, yet also so incredibly true. Time flies. Enjoy the moments, because you will miss them. You will miss the tantrums. You will miss the sleepless nights. You will really, really miss driving them to school. For those are the moments you truly bond with your child, and learn who they are as people. My heart breaks daily for what could have been, what should have been, what if…… When they are sad, I am sad. When they hurt, I hurt for them. Now at 22 and almost 21, I have far less influence, and even less ability to help shield them from disappointment and heartbreak. Yet, I am also maybe a little bit wiser. I am learning that from disappointment comes growth. From heartbreak comes a deeper ability to love……if we allow it. We spend 18 years trying to shield our kids from any disappointment or pain. But, that’s not really helping them. Life is full of incredible moments, but also disappointment and hurt. We need to allow our kids to feel. Allow them to know that discomfort is not failure, but simply an opportunity to learn and grow. Through discomfort and disappointment, we appreciate that which is extraordinary. Have I failed my kids because my marriage failed? I certainly have moments where I absolutely feel as though that answer is yes. However, I am learning that normalizing our life is what is best for my sons. Living this “new normal” shows them that we are all going to be ok. More than that, it shows them there’s a village surrounding them, and blood isn’t all that matters. Sure, there are people in our lives who might be uncomfortable when someone new is brought into the fold. But, that doesn’t mean I should change how I choose to live. Someone else’s reaction isn’t my responsibility. Is it my job to protect my sons from someone’s discomfort? Should someone else’s discomfort negatively affect my sons? I think about this a lot……more now than ever before. My sons know we are divorced. Let’s be honest….they were affected long before the ink was dry. They know life is different. They’ve known for years. My sons respect that life moves forward and they are adults now, despite the fact that they will always be my children. I’ve always wanted my sons to see what a happy, healthy relationship should be. To do that is to expose them to it…….a lot. Consistency is the key to life, right? God allows challenges that show us wherein lies consistency. God shows who rises above and who shows up. God doesn’t solve our problems……that’s for us to do. He simply walks with us and has provided the tools to draw on our own strength. Life is never easy. It’s full of challenges and obstacles. It’s meant to keep us on our toes. It’s meant to help us figure out what’s important to each of us. Working through the challenges and showing my sons that through challenges, you see who is standing with you. Challenges show us who has our hearts at their core. All of us wants true love and loyalty. We want the one person who has our back no matter what. We want to believe we are worthy and valued…..not just to believe but to KNOW. If there’s one thing I hope to show my children, it’s that I trust the mess of divorce was simply a vehicle for me to now show them what really matters in life. That we can’t be concerned with how someone else might react simply because we choose to open our hearts to others. I argue that my children are better for seeing the reality in people. I’ve always been a believer in being unapologetically real. It’s not for everyone, that’s for sure. But heck, life is too short to be anything but genuine and real. Honestly, I don’t really know how to be anything else. Even after the coming to terms with the seemingly fake reality I lived for 26 years, I’m still shocked when I find out people have been anything but true and real. So yes, I go back to what I said before. Challenges present themselves to snuff out what’s real with people. It forces us to recognize those hiding behind fake personalities and disingenuous behaviors. For when we defeat our challenges, rather than letting challenges define our every move, we are the ones who live the extraordinary! Isn’t that the best gift to give to our children?!

Thought this photo I came across on Facebook was so very appropriate for my post today. All I want in my life is exactly what I know I’m giving to my kids: a steady hand, a kind soul, a safe heart and love.

*photo credit to Shana Abe, The Minds Journal (from Facebook)